So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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