Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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