I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
