Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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