3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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