i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
