my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
