there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
