I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
