Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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