dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
