He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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