I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
