Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
