just tell him i said nine months
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
