did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
