A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
