everyone is single if you try hard enough
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
