nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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