some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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