saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I forget how to act sober
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