My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
