I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
