well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
