Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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