Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
