what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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