Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
