three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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