her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
