We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
