A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
