I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
