i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have post one night stand depression
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
