need another drink. this is the easiest way
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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