My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
