I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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