i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
someone get that fucking seahorse.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
