found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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