i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
