she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
