It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
