Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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