She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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