Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
