It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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