i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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