my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
