I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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