Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
