I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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